Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
