Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
