I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
