I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
