If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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