guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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