You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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