How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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