Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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