I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have feelings that need drinking.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize