you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
