Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
