My Higher Power is John Stamos
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
