we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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