Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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