Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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