On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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