so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
