Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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