got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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