If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize