I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
