The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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