Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize