Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
