we made out on top of his cat.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
