God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
