her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
