Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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