you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
