anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
