I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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