i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i think i just lost a toe
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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