I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
