the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
