I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
