Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My dick has a subreddit
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
