i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the condom got lost in my hair
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
this will be a night to untag.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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