apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
