Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
