She's JV to your varsity
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
