yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
