i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize