His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
