Porn is love you can see.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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