Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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