I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
