no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
