YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
