I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You did what with his pubic hair?
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