Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
