You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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