so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
