woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
