I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
