Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
