I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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