I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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