Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
