Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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