i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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