Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize