and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
