he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
